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restless

September 6, 2007 in life or something like it, random musings | Tags: , | 9 comments

i’m feeling a bit restless nowadays. and i just can’t seem to shake this restlessness off. once again, i’m questioning what i’m doing with my life.

i wake up at six-thirty. okay, sometimes seven. get ready for work. read a book or solve sudoku puzzles during the commute.

i work. till 7 PM or 8 PM or 9 PM or 10 PM.

i meet friends to play ultimate. to play counterstrike. to watch a movie. to hang out. to have a few drinks. to have a lot of drinks.

sometimes there is the occasional dinner with an old time friend. sometimes the getting-to-know-you dinner with a new friend. sometimes a play or concert. just to break the monotony.

i’m sorry. but is this all that life has to offer me? where is all the excitement? the adventure?

don’t get me wrong. i like my life. it’s comfortable. but it still feels as though something is missing. and i’m not talking about love. i’m talking about a reason for existence. why am i here? what am i achieving by all that i’m doing now? is there anything else i can do to make a difference in this world, even just a small one?

i guess this is where religion comes in right? maybe i’m ready to return to the way i was before the world influenced my lifestyle. i’ve changed a lot from who i once was. there was a time when i turned to music when i was sad. when playing the piano made me feel better. now, i turn to alcohol. life’s a bitch! let’s drink!

i’m not saying i don’t like who i am right now. i made the choices that eventually led to my current situation. it’s just sometimes i compare myself right now to what my dad would’ve wanted me to be. and i’m so far off from that image.

haay… i don’t know what’s gotten into me that’s making me feel this way right now. maybe it’s just the hormones again. you know naman pag babae, weird talaga ang hormones. 😛

oh! and i miss my long hair! *sigh*

~ 

I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all. No… not the artful postures of love, not playful and poetical games of love for the amusement of an evening, but love that… over-throws life. Unbiddable, ungovernable – like a riot in the heart, and nothing to be done, come ruin or rapture. Love – like there has never been in a play.
– Shakespeare In Love

i’m currently obsessed with…

... victoria's secret lingerie (i really want to buy some and have them shipped here)
... tumblr-ing
... hula-hooping
... learning my old piano pieces again
... expensive stuff i can't afford
... still being kissed ala north & south

That’s the closest to my idea of love: watching the skyline, making out, making mistakes, making believe desire means it’s with somebody else, then breaking up, and, if we’re lucky, forgiveness that comes right before take-off. There, I’ve said it. What more can one want? A lover who loves me as much as the rain. Rain, and, from the opening credits to the closing heart, Gershwin.
~ The Muse This Time by R Zamora Linmark

i love

...broadway;
...poetry;
...ultimate frisbee;
...dancing;
...singing;
...the melancholic sound of the cello;
...playing the piano;
...Frederic Chopin, John Williams and Michael Legrand;
...the rain;
...walking in the rain;
...laughing;
...hanging out with my friends;
...being a girly-girl;
...wearing dresses;
...my naturally wavy hair;
...the sound of waves crashing in the shore;
...pizza and pasta;
...burgers;
...raisin bread;
...blogging;
...reading;
...Cyrano de Bergarac;
...shopping;
...Artic Vodka Melon;
...Jose Cuervo Tequila;
...my lomo cameras;
...taking pictures;
...puzzles;
...sudoku;
...chick flicks that make you believe that finding your one true love is not so impossible; and
...heartwrenchingly beautiful songs that say otherwise

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