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weddings have become an inevitable part of my life now, just as christenings are about to be. despite being a hopelessly hopeless romantic, i’m not much of a wedding person. i dream about my own wedding, more often than i probably should; but none of the beautiful weddings i’ve attended so far have brought me tears. this is something that makes me think that maybe i am a stone-cold ice queen as a friend described me once. i do have some favorite wedding moments which include: 1) AVPs of how the couple’s relationship grew, 2) how the couple interact with each other throughout the wedding and reception with side-glances and laughter that only they could understand, and 3) the first kiss as husband and wife. it truly is nice to see a couple truly and deeply in-love. it makes a single gal like me hope that true love does exist even if not for me then at least for someone else.

weddings make me look at my life. at 27, most of my friends are settling down and starting families of their own; then i look at myself, still single. whether by circumstance or by choice is never quite clear. thing is, the guys i’m interested in aren’t interested in me, and the guys interested in me aren’t guys i’m interested in. for some inexplicable reason, the rare times that the feeling is mutual between me and a guy have never materialized into anything tangible either. i can’t help but wonder if there is something wrong with me. i am the common factor after all.

the thought of never finding love and going through the rest of my life “alone” absolutely terrifies me. sometimes i wonder why we all, or maybe it’s just me, put too much importance on the idea of “the one”. we should be complete beings in ourselves, right? perhaps Plato had it right with his theory that we were all once creatures with four arms, four legs, two faces, four ears and two sets of genitalia that were cut in half. so we spend our life searching for our other half in an effort to “complete” ourselves. does this mean i’ll never feel “complete” until i find “the one”? what happens if i never do? oh, so many questions and yet the answers are ever so elusive.

i’m currently obsessed with…

... victoria's secret lingerie (i really want to buy some and have them shipped here)
... tumblr-ing
... hula-hooping
... learning my old piano pieces again
... expensive stuff i can't afford
... still being kissed ala north & south

That’s the closest to my idea of love: watching the skyline, making out, making mistakes, making believe desire means it’s with somebody else, then breaking up, and, if we’re lucky, forgiveness that comes right before take-off. There, I’ve said it. What more can one want? A lover who loves me as much as the rain. Rain, and, from the opening credits to the closing heart, Gershwin.
~ The Muse This Time by R Zamora Linmark

i love;
...ultimate frisbee;
...the melancholic sound of the cello;
...playing the piano;
...Frederic Chopin, John Williams and Michael Legrand;
...the rain;
...walking in the rain;
...hanging out with my friends;
...being a girly-girl;
...wearing dresses; naturally wavy hair;
...the sound of waves crashing in the shore; and pasta;
...raisin bread;
...Cyrano de Bergarac;;
...Artic Vodka Melon;
...Jose Cuervo Tequila; lomo cameras;
...taking pictures;
...chick flicks that make you believe that finding your one true love is not so impossible; and
...heartwrenchingly beautiful songs that say otherwise

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