suggestion lang, say niyo? hehehe.

on recalling one night in davao when i went drinking with two hot, topless ultimate guys… 

[16:59] ana_carmela: dapat maginuman din tayo, magtopless din tayo hahahaha
[16:59] tikayiyay:
[17:00] tikayiyay: hmm… ayoko ata nun
[17:00] tikayiyay:
[17:04] ana_carmela: hahaha tish!!!

ym conversations, 10/22/2007

[12:03] tikayiyay: paminsan naiisip ko numb na ako to this pain, especially with him. kasi aware naman ako sa pinasok ko ulit eh.
[12:03] tikayiyay: pero i really can’t get how insensitive he is.
[12:04] tikayiyay: dapat, a***n and i found solace in each other’s arms nalang.
[12:04] jenniraikkonen: malandi
[12:04] jenniraikkonen: he is mine
[12:04] tikayiyay: :))
[12:04] jenniraikkonen: until melai comes back from turkey
[12:04] jenniraikkonen: and then i’ll just steal him from her
[12:04] tikayiyay: hahaha.
[12:04] tikayiyay: 😛
[12:04] jenniraikkonen: tish, we can never be numb from … well, pain
[12:05] jenniraikkonen: we think we have moved on
[12:05] jenniraikkonen: then may oras na wala, andun lang talaga sha
[12:05] jenniraikkonen: to bug us
[12:05] jenniraikkonen: so we cant sleep
[12:05] jenniraikkonen: or we cant work
[12:05] tikayiyay: or we can’t eat?
[12:05] tikayiyay: :))
[12:05] jenniraikkonen: or we cant… well we can’t not eat
[12:05] tikayiyay: hahaha.
[12:05] jenniraikkonen: pero alam mo un
[12:05] jenniraikkonen: akala mo tapos na
[12:06] jenniraikkonen: tapos may biglang magiging moment na… we are just just too strong or too proud to cry pero biglang nagkakaroon ng cry-worthy moments
[12:07] tikayiyay: i keep on thinking. should i start crying my eyes out over it now? pero hindi naman ako napapaiyak.
[12:08] tikayiyay: ewan ko ba kung napapaiyak pa ba ako or not.
[12:08] tikayiyay: parang i just have to keep telling myself na i’m strong and i can get through this.
[12:08] tikayiyay: that he is a stupid guy not worth wasting this much time thinking over. and especially not worth crying over anymore.
[12:08] jenniraikkonen: the tears will come
[12:08] jenniraikkonen: just not now

there’s an upside to free falling — it’s the chance you give your friends to catch you.

here’s the complete quote:

no one likes to lose control. but still there are times when it just gets away from you. when the world stops spinning and you realize that nothing’s gonna save you. no matter how hard you fight it, you fall. and it’s scary as hell. except, there’s an upside to free falling — it’s the chance you give your friends to catch you. – grey’s anatomy

it’s nice to have friends when you’re going through tough times. because they keep you sane. and sometimes pwede ka nila pagalitan dahil tanga ka na mashado. but they only do that because they love you.

i’d like to share a ym conversation i had with sarah yesterday… 

[20:14] musikaibarang2: ahhh, well tish, remember your dream of being able to wear your hubby’s shirt and high heels and know that i think you’re deserving of a very special guy who would treat you like a princess and not just some fling. akala ko din dati ok lang na kung mutual naman na wala lang eh, pero it takes a toll on both parties. and from experience none of it was worth it. i’m just grateful that i eventually realized how much i had changed because of what i was doing and that i lost a part of the old me that i missed. and a series of events, painful as they were, drove me back to where i needed to be. parang ang selfish pero actually nakatulong talaga na you have to put yourself first. fragile pa kasi ang emotions mo. and after what happened, i’m guessing the burden of guilt is hard to bear.  but then sana isipin mo nalang that you just need to learn from this and move on and if you invest in yourself… you know, the whole i’m just happy being me vibe, will help you get back on track. yun pa, guys find this very appealing.
[20:22] tikayiyay: wow, very well said once again. sarah, you are wise beyond your years. i’ve closed myself from guys for so long that i realize that i’m so lost in relationships na. yun nga ironic dito eh. i finally like a guy. i’m finally ready to open up. i’ve been opening up na nga. but then, ayaw niya makinig.
[20:26] musikaibarang2: i mean we’re bound to experience much… it’s important that you know yourself, what do you want, and that will always bring you back on track
[20:27] tikayiyay: yeah.
[20:27] musikaibarang2: mahirap kasi labanan ang libog!
[20:27] musikaibarang2: haha
[20:27] tikayiyay: yeah, that’s true.
[20:28] musikaibarang2: well i’m glad may use din yung mga hell ko na pinagdaanan.
[20:28] tikayiyay: hahaha.
[20:28] musikaibarang2: hehe
[20:29] tikayiyay: yeah, i know i’ll be stronger because of this experience.
[20:29] musikaibarang2: tama! ikaw pa!
[20:30] musikaibarang2: >:D<
[20:30] musikaibarang2: hug kita
[20:30] musikaibarang2: hehe
[20:30] musikaibarang2: i know i can only comfort you with words and it can only do so much as to lift your mood now
[20:31] tikayiyay: well, malapit na ako umiyak kanina. pero what you wrote made me feel better.
[20:31] musikaibarang2: you may get that longing feeling again
[20:31] tikayiyay: yeah, matagal tagal pa ang getting over phase ko dito.
[20:31] musikaibarang2: pero just think of it this way:  i have a theory that there’s a model in our behaviour.  we’re ok then parang something happens that leads to a “downfall” or depressing stage then we grieve then we’re ok again and the cycle goes on. for example, kapag namatayan ang isang tao. after the realization of losing someone dear sets in, there is a grieving period. we mourn after the dead. we cry it out. i think kailangan yun eh. kailangan mong pagdaanan yung pain, for endurance, for gratefulness, for a deep conviction, so that in the future after the period of mourning is over we can fully recover and move forward.  people who dont grieve after the deaths of loved ones usually end up having to deal with it at a later time in life. it will just haunt you until you get it over with  pero yun nga, i dont think its only applicable in this situation. i mean kahit anong pagdaanan natin… and there’s a challenge or a mistake… kailangan natin siya ma endure for our own growth.
[20:37] musikaibarang2: kaya mo yan dear. just keep strong, you’ll get over it.

sarah, you don’t know how much this conversation made me feel better.

and to all my friends who’ve been concerned and whose shoulders i’ve been crying on, thank you so much for being here for me! i love you! :*