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as i watch Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan hold hands during the last scene in Sleepless in Seattle, i can’t help but sigh and wonder, when is it going to be my turn? (cue background music: oh tell me where? / where is that someone who will turn and look at me / and want to share my every sweet imagined possibility? [A Piece of Sky, Yentl]) i would be lying if i said that the thought of ending up alone doesn’t scare the crap out of me because it really does.

breaking up is hard to do

during the past couple of days, i’ve been consoling a friend who is coming to terms with the finality of her break-up. she and her ex-boyfriend called it quits more than a year ago but maintained a good friendship. we know how tricky that could be, right? to make a long story short, he has moved on while she has not. and of course, she’s devastated.

having had my heart broken before, i know how much it can hurt. as i listened to her tell her story while having cocktails in a crowded bar, memories of the pain i once felt came flooding back. it was a struggle to maintain my composure when she started crying. there is so much i wish i could do to help her forget the pain but i know there really is nothing i can do but be there for her. she kept on apologizing on being such a downer but i told her that my friends kept me sane during my dark hours and that meant everything to me.

it truly is hard to imagine how a person can move on after such a devastating loss but as i’ve learned, and i’m sure most of you have learned too, we all move on. it’s just the way it is. it truly is sad to think that a relationship ends and each person eventually finds someone else to be with but that’s the natural way of things. life goes on.

where are the boys at?

seriously, nasaan sila? hahahaha!

my mom has already told me that maybe i should try a different sport since it seems that i haven’t met anyone in ultimate during the 3-4 years i’ve been playing it. to this, i answered that i play ultimate because i enjoy the game and the company of all my friends and not to meet potential partners. i found it funny though that my mom had to tell me that. 😉

i once hoped i’d find love in the workplace but that didn’t work out so there goes another option.

i don’t think i’ll find a “good” guy in any of my gimiks either. let’s face it, guys in bars are mostly hoping to score and aren’t really looking for long term relationships. while this can be fun once in a while, it’s not really fulfilling at all. i  go out to party more to enjoy the company of my friends rather than get picked up by guys.

so once again i have to ask, where are all the good guys at? can anyone out there help me out? hahahaha!

hope springs eternal

there is a book that has been catching my eye for a good number of years now, When God Writes Your Love Story. having read both I Kissed Dating Goodbye and Boy Meets Girl, i have a pretty good idea what that book may contain. whether or not you believe in a God is a personal preference. but i love the thought that i am a love story waiting to happen.

tv shows such as Sex and the City and Ally McBeal deal with the struggle modern women face with juggling a career and a lovelife. i love how both shows have dealt with the wacky situations single gals can get themselves into. but what i love most is the fact that no matter how many scrapes the characters in each of the shows get themselves into, they never stopped believing that true love was out there for them.

it’s important that we keep believing that love is out there for us, no matter how bad things may seem.

i’d like to leave you guys with one of my favorite quotes from Rilke. i have to confess that i was just reminded of it tonight while i was checking my blog for past entries.

“believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”
~ an exerpt from Letter 4 of Letters to a Young Poet by Rainier Maria Rilke

oh yeah! gosip girl is becoming juicer by the episode!!!

gah, chuck bass is just so yummy!!! hahaha! yeah, so he’s an arrogant ass most of the time but then again most guys are asses, at least chuck is aware that he is. waaah!!! i want my own chuck bass!!! hahaha.

anyway, this entry isn’t supposed to be a homage to how much i want chuck bass to be real and be my boyfriend but it’s supposed to be about those three word which have eight letters. hmmm… i like you. i lust you. i want you. i hate you. could be any of those but we know what it actually stands for… i love you. duh! hahaha.

nowadays, i think the problem isn’t with how hard it is to say those three words but actually on how often they’re said. given the onslaught of technology, relationships (including friendships) are so easy to cultivate and falling in and out of love has become common. i love you are words that have become so easy to say and i loved you perhaps even easier. i’m sure most of us have been there, so caught up in the moment and the feeling that you’re so sure that what you feel is love and that it is real. well, it seldom is. i’ve personally never uttered those words to someone yet (in the context of romantic love that is, i always tell my friends i love them and i mean it), although i’ve written it twice. saying something and writing something have always been different to me. i find it a lot easier to write how i feel than to say it. i guess it’s that non-confrontational, scared-of-rejection trait of mine that makes me this way.

i believe that it’s possible for someone to truly fall-in-love with more than one person. however, i also believe that we tend to imagine ourselves in-love with someone more often than we really are. it would be great and ideal if all of us meet the one instantly but it rarely happens that way. so throughout our lives we do meet people we connect with and perhaps even fall-in-love with but some circumstances make it impossible for that relationship to work out. someday, when the timing is perfect and the feelings are mutual then it’ll be right and that person you’re with will probably be the one you’ll spend the rest of your life with. for right now, for most of us, i think all we can do is hope that somewhere out there is that special someone that is meant for us.

but for the meantime, i’ll try to live vicariously through chuck and blair and keep on crossing my fingers that they do end up together by the end of this season! hahaha. kakatawa ba na binalik ko yung topic sa gossip girl! 😛 hahaha.

most of you who really know me know that i’m a hopeless romantic. i’m all about hearts and pink flowers, impossibly sweet quotes, fairytales, mushy chick flicks, love songs and the seemingly never-ending search for true love. while browsing through my tumblr contacts’ entries today, i found an entry which led me to the most delightful love story i’ve come upon in quite a while.

rosie‘s from britain and aaron‘s from the US and they met through flickr early this year. their common love for creativity and photography turned into love for each other. the 4,500 miles that set them apart didn’t at all stop them from expressing how crazy they are over each other. they set a day per week, collaboration sunday, where they do a photo together. a few weeks ago, he finally flew to britain and now they’re finally together. it’s sounds like it’s straight from a fairytale right? what makes this love story all the more charming are the pictures these two have come up with. you just can’t help but be awed by their amazing creativity and the uniqueness of their love story.

Rosie writes: We messaged many times every day, wrote an adventure book (you might want to click on that link 😉 hehe) together, stayed up talking on gmail for hours every night until it was light outside, then began doing the same thing except with phones. It has been two months since we became addicted to each other, and I have completely fallen. We’ve yet to meet, but every day our feelings get stronger and stronger. I need him, and I am counting down the days until this photograph is reality.

Be it an ocean, be it a wall, nothing will keep me from you. by aaron

Read the rest of this entry »

i just finished this book Beauty Sleep: A Retelling of “Sleeping Beauty” by Cameron Dokey which i found in my sister’s pile of new books on monday morning. it’s a thin book so i finished reading it on the commute to work.

i enjoyed it from start to finish. there were times that after reading a sentence, i’d close the book then stare into space and ponder what i just read. i think this is a habit of mine when i read love stories. sometimes i pause to ponder on a sentence or paragraph. sometimes i pause to daydream that whatever romantic was actually happening to me. and sometimes i pause to reminisce memories that it conjures (yes, i do have a few).

i know i like to blame fairytales for my being a hopeless romantic but i still love them!!! i especially love re-tellings because there’s always some new point of view or twist that the writer brings to the story.

i’d really like to share what i loved most about this book but then i’d be spoiling it for any of you who would like to read it. 🙂

i love reading love stories! problem is, after reading them i end up thinking about my miserable love life and start to feel depressed. (well, not depressed depressed… but you know what i mean.) questions like, when will it be my turn? where’s my prince charming? and what is wrong with me? all come to mind immediately.

sometimes i’m scared that i’ll never find my perfect match. that one day, i’ll wake up old and alone and realize once and for all that LOVE was not meant for me. that is such a sad, sad thought and is my biggest fear.

i’ve fallen twice already and neither guy has caught my fall. they didn’t even help me up. and somehow i get the feeling that i’ll stumble and pick myself up a few more times.

i’m too young to be cynical on love and i think i haven’t even had enough experiences to compare with some other people. but sometimes it’s hard to keep believing that there is a someone out there that’s meant for me. truth be told, sometimes i think LOVE was just an invention for couples to remain monogamous. such a guy way to think right? but it’s true, sometimes i think it’s impossible to meet that ONE perfect match who will grow old with you. but then, i get over it and give up to the inevitability of my romanticism. THERE IS A PERFECT MATCH FOR ME SOMEWHERE OUT THERE!!!

an episode of sex and the city suddenly comes to mind. the one where charlotte attends this motivational meeting on believing that true love exists. i’m trying to look for a clip on youtube but i don’t think there’s any. it’s all vague to me now, but i think they had to chant something about believing that they would find true love. i can’t remember it that well anymore but i think it proves that in this world it’s getting harder to believe and to trust that we will someday find true love.

gah, here i am overthinking again. and on my favorite topic no less! hehehe. you’d think i’d stop reading and watching love stories because of the effect they have on me, but i can’t help myself!!! hehehe. i’m currently reading a retelling of snow white.

and to my future special someone, i think john mayer said it best: i’m tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here…

i just finished reading reunion by alan lightman, which i liked a bit more than einstein’s dreams, maybe because the lead character reminded me of someone. 😉 anyway, it really got me thinking about the nature of love.

Unconditional love. That’s what he wants to give her and what he wants from her. People should give without wanting anything in return. All other giving is selfish. But he is being selfish a little, isn’t he, by wanting her to love him in return? He hopes that she loves him in return. Is it possible for a person to love without wanting love back? Is anything so pure? Or is love, by its nature, a reciprocity, like oceans and clouds, an evaporating of seawater and a replenishing of rain?

does love really need to be reciprocated for it to be considered as love? as a firm believer and a suki of unrequited love, i’d say hell no! for me, love should really be devoid of selfishness. yes, i do believe that people are by nature selfish. i think it can be called self-preservation. but to put aside your own needs and wants for someone else and to put them before you, that for me is love. and this applies to all kinds of love, not just romantic love. say, for example, a friend of yours hates eating japanese food but you love it. everytime you’re together, you purposefully don’t choose a japanese restaurant. yes, it can seem shallow but it isn’t. if you count every selfless deed you’ve done for someone you care for, it could amount to a whole lot. 😉

this is somewhat the reverse to an excerpt i loved from norwegian wood by haruki murakami…


“Waiting for the perfect love?”

“No, even I know better than that. I’m looking for selfishness. Perfect selfishness. Like, say I tell you I want to eat strawberry shortcake. And you stop everything you’re doing and run out and buy it for me. And you come back out of breath and get down on your knees and hold this strawberry shortcake out to me. And I say I don’t want it anymore and throw it out the window. That’s what I’m looking for.”

“I’m not sure that has anything to do with love,” I said with some amazement.

“It does,” she said. “You just don’t know it. There are times in a girl’s life when things like that are incredibly important.”

“Things like throwing strawberry shortcake out the window?”

“Exactly. And when I do it, I want the man to apologize to me. ‘Now I see, Midori. What a fool I’ve been! I should have known that you would lose your desire for strawberry shortcake. I have all the intelligence and sensitivity of a piece of donkey shit. To make it up to you, I’ll go out and buy you something else. What would you like? Chocolate mousse? Cheesecake?’”

“So then what”

“So then I’d give him all the love he deserves for what he’s done.”

“Sounds crazy to me.”

“Well, to me, that’s what love is. Not that anyone can understand me, though.” Midori gave her head a little shake against my shoulder. “For a certain kind of person, love begins from something tiny or silly. From something like that or it doesn’t begin at all.”

i loved this idea too. you see, i too want that perfect selfishness. someone who would love me this unconditionally.

i think this is where the beauty of a reciprocated love comes in. when love is reciprocated, a compromise is struck. moments of each other’s selfishness and selflessness alternate to weave a strong bond.

do i make sense at all?

hmm… i guess, i’m thinking too much on this. reading this book and that passage just really stuck with me. especially since i’ve already commented on how much i loved the idea of perfect selfishness before.

hmmm… enough thinking for now. 😀

i’m currently obsessed with…

... victoria's secret lingerie (i really want to buy some and have them shipped here)
... tumblr-ing
... hula-hooping
... learning my old piano pieces again
... expensive stuff i can't afford
... still being kissed ala north & south

That’s the closest to my idea of love: watching the skyline, making out, making mistakes, making believe desire means it’s with somebody else, then breaking up, and, if we’re lucky, forgiveness that comes right before take-off. There, I’ve said it. What more can one want? A lover who loves me as much as the rain. Rain, and, from the opening credits to the closing heart, Gershwin.
~ The Muse This Time by R Zamora Linmark

i love;
...ultimate frisbee;
...the melancholic sound of the cello;
...playing the piano;
...Frederic Chopin, John Williams and Michael Legrand;
...the rain;
...walking in the rain;
...hanging out with my friends;
...being a girly-girl;
...wearing dresses; naturally wavy hair;
...the sound of waves crashing in the shore; and pasta;
...raisin bread;
...Cyrano de Bergarac;;
...Artic Vodka Melon;
...Jose Cuervo Tequila; lomo cameras;
...taking pictures;
...chick flicks that make you believe that finding your one true love is not so impossible; and
...heartwrenchingly beautiful songs that say otherwise

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