my brain has been going a hundred miles a second, running from one thought to another in a snap of a finger without the sign of stopping anytime soon. crap, it’s been too long since the last time i’ve been this confused and i don’t like how it’s making me feel.

i’ve always been a cautionary person, never one to take risks. i’ve always been too scared to ride a roller-coaster, learn how to surf, sleep with the light off when i’m alone or even just jump into a pool. somehow the fear of getting hurt weighs more than any amount of curiosity I feel. the same goes with me and love.

there is a saying that goes, “fools rush in where wise men fear to tread.” having never been in a relationship, i’d like to think i’m part of the latter breed. but looking around me, at friends who constantly fall in and out of love, i’m starting to think that maybe i’m in the wrong team. wouldn’t it be a lot easier if we were all fools? maybe it would be better if i weren’t scared of rejection, pain or heartbreak and could just let go and give in to my feelings. perhaps it’s not that fools are not scared, it’s just that they can drown out that fear and go after what they want.

ask anyone who’s had their heart broken, if given a choice they wouldn’t want to go through that experience over again? i think not. but then how do we know if something’s worth taking the leap of faith for if we don’t actually take that leap?

ever notice that “what ifs?” are mostly about things you wished you did rather than the things you wished you didn’t do? what if i kissed her? what if i stayed? what if i told him/her how i felt? you seldom hear someone say, what if i didn’t kissed her? what if i left? what if i hadn’t told him/her how i felt?

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about taking chances. And how it’s really just about overcoming your fears. Because the truth is, every time you take a big risk in your life, no matter how it ends up, you’re always glad you took it.
~ Scrubs

i’ve been taking a lot of risks lately, driven mostly by deciding to follow my own advice to friends. so far this year, i’ve asked a guy i liked out, jumped in a pool, joined a theater workshop, sang & danced in front of a roomful of people and told a guy i liked that i liked him. the last one being the latest result of my newfound bravado. there’s still an uncertainty there which, to be honest, scares me shitless but i’m glad i did it. i’m slowly making my way to leading a life with no more “what ifs?”, no regrets, and constantly always following my own heart. just the way it should be. 😉