i can’t believe i’m still not over you after all this time. this keeps happening… i think i’m fine and then i see you and suddenly it’s as if a part of me is still hoping for that fairytale ending… that you’ll look at me and finally realize that you’re in-love with me too. but you’re not in-love with me and you’ll probably never be and i’m stupid to even imagine a different ending for this. ugh. i hate this. i hate feeling so helpless in controlling the way i feel about you. i wish there was a switch where i could just turn off my feelings for you and leave it off instead of it popping up at the most inopportune times. it’s been more than a year since we’ve called things off and it’s still hard being around you because we hang out in the same circle of friends. dammit, i want to get over you so badly. i know… i know… nothing could come out of the way i feel about you. you don’t have the capacity to feel the same way about it. but here i am… still hoping and waiting that you’ll look at me and finally, FINALLY, see me. this really hurts. i miss you and the friendship we once had. i’m so scared that we’ll never be the way we once were and that i’ve lost you as a friend (and lover) forever. i have to move on. i really have to.

okay, so i’m drunk and i’m sleepy and i miss you and i hate this feeling so i’ll just put it to rest for tonight. hopefully in the harsh light of day i’ll realize that this is useless and go back to existing without even thinking about this pain. damn. this is hard.