a friend who broke up with her boyfriend of 5 years said something that really made me pause. she was explaining how she was enjoying single life again and how she was over her relationship. but then she said, (rephrased) “but i really want to end up with (insert ex-bf’s name). i want him to be the one. we know each other so well. i don’t want to have to open up to someone else again. it’s too exhausting.” so i guess it’s safe to assume that she really isn’t over yet right? hahaha! don’t get me wrong, i’m not laughing AT her but WITH her. this is, after all, what i keep on saying about my first love. yes, i do believe i’m over him but a part of me still hopes that somehow someday in the future we’ll find each other again and it’ll be the right time. perhaps there really are some people you feel about this way. but i’m getting a bit sidetracked here, that’s not what struck me about what she said.

what struck me was the idea of having to open up to someone else. it’s not the easiest thing to be yourself completely. that’s one thing i’ve always liked about the idea of a relationship or even a friendship. someone accepting you for who you are. the longer the friendship/relationship, the more you learn about the other person, the more you open up, the more connected you become to each other and the harder it is when the friendship/relationship ends. not to say that all friendships and relationships end, it’s just that this is the case most of the time.

i think all of us are just looking for a real connection with someone else. sometimes we find it and we think it’ll last but when it doesn’t we’re left sad and desolate. and i wonder, is it all worth it? is a moment of “real” human connection, no matter how short or long, really worth the pain when it ends (if it does end)?

hayayay… enough thinking for today.