i know i keep mentioning it but i really love tumblr. i’m getting introduced to some amazingly creative artists and i’m discovering more authors, books and quotes that i really like. i love the reblog feature so my own tumblr is just a collection of photographs, quotes, videos and songs that i like. however, here are a few that i’d like to share with you.

“She says, I loved you so much once. I loved you to the point of distraction. I did. More than anything in the whole wide world. Imagine that. What a laugh that is now. Can you imagine it? We were so intimate once upon a time I can’t believe it now. I think that’s the strangest thing of all now. The memory of being that intimate with somebody else.”
~ Raymond Carver, Intimacy

this hits home because it’s so true. it’s odd how nonchalant one can act around a person they’ve been intimate with. i know because i’m there right now. i still have flashbacks of what we once shared and i find myself hitting my head against my hand or a book just to get the images out of my head. and yet when i’m face-to-face with him, i act as though nothing happened between us, as though that relationship did not exist at all. someday i feel that it’ll all become a distant memory and the thought of being that intimate with somebody else, specifically him, will just be a fleeting thought. should that thought be comforting? because right now, i just feel sad, someday i’ll just be a fleeting thought to him too and the memory of our intimacy will just be a memory.

We forget all too soon the things we thought we could never forget. We forget the loves and the betrayals alike, forget what we whispered and what we screamed, forgot who we were.
~ Joan Didion

Yes, eventually we all forget.

Falling in love, we said; I fell for him. We were falling women. We believed in it, this downward motion: so lovely, like flying, and yet at the same time so dire, so extreme, so unlikely. God is love, they once said, but we reversed that, and love, like heaven, was always just around the corner. The more difficult it was to love the particular man beside us, the more we believed in Love, abstract and total. We were waiting, always, for the incarnation. That word, made flesh.

And sometimes it happened, for a time. That kind of love comes and goes and is hard to remember afterwards, like pain. You would look at the man one day and you would think, I loved you, and the tense would be past, and you would be filled with a sense of wonder, because it was such an amazing and precarious and dumb thing to have done; and you would know too why your friends had been evasive about it, at the time.

There is a good deal of comfort, now, in remembering this.

~ Margaret Atwood

this kinda expresses the same sentiment of the quote by Raymond Carver. it’s strange how you can love someone at one moment then suddenly not love them with the same intensity and passion as you once did, and the tense changes from present to past. it really does fill you with a sense of wonder, how you did all those stupid things, how you chose not to listen to your concerned friends, how you felt that you would’ve given everything to be with him, and how you once thought your heart wouldn’t be able to heal again.  but it does and you move on and that is comforting.

Chapter 1: I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost—I am helpless. It isn’t my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2: I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again. I can’t believe I am in the same place, but it isn’t my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it there. I still fall in … it’s a habit. My eyes open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter 4: I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter 5: I walk down another street.

~ Portia Nelson, Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

i find this funny because it’s a great metaphor of the mistakes we keep on making. sometimes it takes us 5 chapters to realize the mistakes, sometimes it takes less but more often than not, it takes more. 😀

“If there is no love in the world, we will make a new world, and we will give it heavy walls, and we will furnish it with soft red interiors, from the inside out, and give it a knocker that resonates like a diamond falling to a jeweler’s felt so that we should never hear it. Love me, because love doesn’t exist, and I have tried everything that does.”
~ Jonathan Safran Foer, Everything is Illuminated

i really want to start reading Jonathan Foer. i keep looking for his books but keep finding the book stores out of stock. oh well, i’ll try again this week.