Time passes. Even when it seems impossible. Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does. Even for me.
~ New Moon, Stephanie Meyer

I cried again last night, over you. It was unexpected but while reading Stephanie Meyer’s narrative on heartbreak, the walls I’ve tried so hard to keep up broke down and gave way to tears. It was as if a part of my heart (and my brain) was shouting, I remember! No matter how whole I’ve felt in the past couple of months, I’m broken. I’m actually broken.

Don’t worry, you haven’t cause me new pain but I would be lying if I said that I’ve completely forgotten the pain you once caused me. I’m glad you’ve stayed away. I’m also proud of myself that I was able to keep myself away despite the fact that I’ve missed you.

I’ve kept myself preoccupied so much recently that somehow the pain I felt took a back seat. But while reading this book, I suddenly remembered how painful it all was. Maybe I cried because the pain is still a bit too fresh. I’d rather that be the reason then the fact that I might still care for you more than I’m allowed to.

I think I’ve been doing a good job in moving on. I guess, it really just takes time. I’m beginning to wonder… Is it always going to be like this? Everytime a relationship ends, is it going to hurt this much? And is the hurt going to last this long? And is it really worth all the effort?

It’s hard to keep believing in love when happy endings only seem to exist in books and movies. Yes, I know a number of couples who are very much happily-in-love. But I guess it’s hard to believe when you, yourself, have never experienced that kind of bliss yet.

Sometimes I wish I’m not such a hopeless romantic and that love is something I don’t long for so badly. *sigh* Someday tish, someday. *sigh*

*line from Gravity by Sara Bareilles