sorry

i just poured my heart out. there’s bits of it on the floor
and i take what’s left of it and rinse it under cold water
and call him up for more

and i say ‘baby, yes i feel stupid to call you, but i’m lonely
and i don’t think you meant it when you said you couldn’t love me
and i thought maybe if i kissed the way you do you’d feel it too’

and he said ‘i’m sorry. so sorry
i’m sorry. so sorry.’

he grabs my wrist, as my fingers turn into angry fists
and i whisper ‘why can’t you love me, i’ll change for you
i’ll play the part.’

once again, another song from my sister’s favorite song countdown. same case as volcano: my sister has been listening to this for quite a while and though the melody is very familiar to me already, it was the first time i read the lyrics.

i was trying to look for another video in youtube so that i wouldn’t be such a copycat but well, this was the only one with nice audio. in one performance, maria mena says that singing this song to the guy she once loved was one of the hardest things she had to do.

this song paints such a vivid picture. when you listen to it or even just read the lyrics, you will be able to imagine the scene it portrays: a woman trying desperately to hold on to a guy who doesn’t love her. how utterly sad it must be to be that woman. i personally have never told a guy ‘why can’t you love me, i’ll change for you i’ll play the part’ but i’ve certainly thought it. it may sound pathetic but i think most of us have gone through moments like this.

just hold me

but if i wanted silence
i would whisper
and if i wanted loneliness
i’d choose to go
and if i like rejection
i’d audition
and if i didn’t love you
you would know

and why can’t you just hold me
and how come it is so hard
and do you like to see me broken
and why do i still care

and why do i still care, indeed.

if you’ll stay in my past

(Part One)
i understand your need to switch girls around and despise me for the fact that we didnt last
and i will be your punching bag if youll stay in my past

i understand to want to have mature dialogue is too much to ask
and i will be your one regret if youll stay in my past

(Part Two)
i understand you delude yourself and sleep with a different girl each night in order to recover fast
and i will let you cheapen sex if you’ll stay in my past…

i understand that we can never speak again and your resentment towards me will last.
and i will let you forget me, if you’ll stay in my past…

(Part Three)
i understand that you will one day love again and that it’s selfish of me to want to ask
if you can only live off the memory of me so please stay in my past

unfortunately, there isn’t a live performance or a video for this song because it’s not even an entire song. it’s a interlude with 3 parts placed as different tracks in her album. it’s so poetic the way it’s written. the words capture one’s need for distance and boundaries from an ex-lover.