baka naiinis kayo at puro protected posts na yung nilalagay ko paminsan. well, mag-isip lang kayo ng konti maggets niyo rin ang password. believe me, hindi siya mahirap hulaan. medyo pinagsisisihan ko nga eh. pero parang prize nalang yan kung mag-iisip kayo ng konti.

but here’s the un-password protected story…

as some of you might already know, i’m hurting right now. and yes, it’s because of a guy. i wasn’t expecting this to happen. not at all. i was blindsighted. but isn’t this the way it’s supposed to happen? when you least expect it? well, it did. and now, i’m hurting. i just don’t understand how i’m feeling anymore. i’m confused, exhausted, resigned, and most of all sad. i find this intense need to cry at the weirdest times, like while in a friend’s car, in a friend’s barbeque party, in a cab, in a bar and now, in the office. i cried so much last week that i feel as though i don’t have the energy to cry anymore. but i still feel like crying.

i also don’t know what i want to happen. do i want him to return my feelings for him? i don’t know. maybe. yes. do i believe that he could return my feelings for him? i honestly think not.

but right now, i’m trying so desperately to make him see me in a different light. not just the hookup i’ve been to him for a while now. pero asa pa!

o ngayon, gets niyo na ba saan nanggagaling lahat ng drama ko? i’m being extremely foolish right now. it’s like my head and heart are in this constant tug-of-war that so far my heart is winning.

pity me that the heart is slow to learn
what the swift mind beholds at every turn

– edna st. vincent millay

i hate love!

to be despised
to be loved
to be dreamt of
to be sought
on the inside
i don’t care
right in the middle
i’m right in the middle
One and Only – Timbaland feat. Fall Out Boy