warning! drama mode. =p

The Show Must Go On

Empty spaces – what are we living for?
Abandoned places – I guess we know the score..
On and on!
Does anybody know what we are looking for?

Another hero – another mindless crime.
Behind the curtain, in the pantomime.
Hold the line!
Does anybody want to take it anymore?
The Show must go on!
The Show must go on!
Inside my heart is breaking,
My make-up may be flaking,
But my smile, still, stays on!

Whatever happens, I’ll leave it all to chance.
Another heartache – another failed romance.
On and on!
Does anybody know what we are living for?
I guess i’m learning
I must be warmer now..
I’ll soon be turning round the corner now.
Outside the dawn is breaking,
But inside in the dark I’m aching to be free!

The Show must go on!
The Show must go on! Yeah!
Ooh! Inside my heart is breaking!
My make-up may be flaking!
But my smile, still, stays on!
Yeah! oh oh oh

My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies,
Fairy tales of yesterday, will grow but never die,
I can fly, my friends!

The Show must go on! Yeah!
The Show must go on!
I’ll face it with a grin!
I’m never giving in!
On with the show!

I’ll top the bill!
I’ll overkill!
I have to find the will to carry on!
On with the,
On with the show!

The Show must go on.

i’ve been listening to this song for the past few days again and again. it’s just stuck in my mind. the melody is haunting and so are the lyrics, add to that the absolutely amazing acting geniuses of nicole kidman and jim broadbent and you’ve got me hooked.

inside my heart is breaking, my makeup may be flaking, but my smile still stays on!

i feel as though i’m the biggest liar there is. people think i’m this extremely bubbly, flirty, fun girl who just absolutely loves life. well, guess what?! i’m not. i may have fooled everyone and sometimes myself but now i realize that i’m still stuck in limbo. i’ve grown so accustomed to wearing this mask of bubbliness that sometimes i even fool myself.

so you ask may ask me: if you’re not this bright, bubbly girl you pretend to be, who am you then? i’m just a girl who got her heart broken quite a while ago (the understatement of the century!) and is still trying so hard to pick up the pieces. i’ve tried to move on. i’ve tried to let go. but my heart still feels broken.

i think kate winslet put it best in her line from the holiday: Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other. But what about the rest of us? What about our stories, those of us who fall in love alone? We are the victims of the one sided affair. We are the cursed of the loved ones. We are the unloved ones, the walking wounded. The handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space! Yes, you are looking at one such individual. And I have willingly loved that man for over three (in my case 10!) miserable years! The absolute worst years of my life! The worst Christmas’, the worst Birthday’s, New Years Eve’s brought in by tears and valium. These years that I have been in love have been the darkest days of my life. All because I’ve been cursed by being in love with a man who does not and will not love me back.

and that’s exactly how i feel. my friends keep on telling me to move on to let go. there are lots of guys out there tisha! lots of fish in the sea! which brings me to a classic ally mcbeal quote: … whoever said that “plenty of fish in the sea” thing was lying. Sometimes, there is only one. Trust me.

thing is, all of us wear masks. we wear masks for different reasons. i wear mine to mask the fact that i’m lonely. and despite the fact that i have lots of friends, there are moments that the loneliness feels so tangible that it’s so hard to ignore. i think that’s why all of us are looking for love, because we need someone to take away that loneliness. someone to be a witness to our lives, a partner, a friend, a confidant, a lover. someone who would really know us, in and out. someone who would take one look at the smile in your face and know that something is wrong. but most importantly someone who would know how to make you feel that everything is right in the world.

okay, sobra nang drama ng entry na ito. i have to stop already before i start bawling my eyes out here in the office. it’s time to flash my smile again!