weddings and the single gal

weddings have become an inevitable part of my life now, just as christenings are about to be. despite being a hopelessly hopeless romantic, i’m not much of a wedding person. i dream about my own wedding, more often than i probably should; but none of the beautiful weddings i’ve attended so far have brought me tears. this is something that makes me think that maybe i am a stone-cold ice queen as a friend described me once. i do have some favorite wedding moments which include: 1) AVPs of how the couple’s relationship grew, 2) how the couple interact with each other throughout the wedding and reception with side-glances and laughter that only they could understand, and 3) the first kiss as husband and wife. it truly is nice to see a couple truly and deeply in-love. it makes a single gal like me hope that true love does exist even if not for me then at least for someone else.

weddings make me look at my life. at 27, most of my friends are settling down and starting families of their own; then i look at myself, still single. whether by circumstance or by choice is never quite clear. thing is, the guys i’m interested in aren’t interested in me, and the guys interested in me aren’t guys i’m interested in. for some inexplicable reason, the rare times that the feeling is mutual between me and a guy have never materialized into anything tangible either. i can’t help but wonder if there is something wrong with me. i am the common factor after all.

the thought of never finding love and going through the rest of my life “alone” absolutely terrifies me. sometimes i wonder why we all, or maybe it’s just me, put too much importance on the idea of “the one”. we should be complete beings in ourselves, right? perhaps Plato had it right with his theory that we were all once creatures with four arms, four legs, two faces, four ears and two sets of genitalia that were cut in half. so we spend our life searching for our other half in an effort to “complete” ourselves. does this mean i’ll never feel “complete” until i find “the one”? what happens if i never do? oh, so many questions and yet the answers are ever so elusive.

wedding blues

i can hardly believe it. i’ve finally gotten to that age, where a bunch of your friends are getting serious with their lives and settling down by getting married and having kids. my emotions are a mixture of envy and wonder. you see, i still feel so new at being an adult like i’m still a kid playing house making decisions that are way bigger than me. so while i am a hopeless romantic, it still is a constant wonder for someone my age to decide to spend the rest of their life with another person. to be honest, i’ve always imagined myself engaged at my age then married by around 27. but now that i’m actually living the “adult” life, i realize goals are a bit harder than what they seemed to be when i was still young and idealistic. finding your perfect match/soulmate/one true love isn’t as easy as it seems in fairy tales and chick flicks. don’t get me wrong, i believe all of my friends who are getting married or are already married are truly in-love. therein lies my envy. i keep wondering when love will deign to grant me an audience but in the meantime i’m truly content seeing that it exists in other couples.

however will all that said, being the hopeless romantic that i am, i do have a dream wedding. it’s changed throughout the years, bits and pieces as i grow older and undergo changes in my own lifestyle. so here’s a sneak peak on how i envision my dream wedding…

the setting

Flickr #1 The Smith-Smith Wedding Party Jump originally uploaded by capturingreallife

i used to want a garden wedding during dusk so that my future husband and i say our i do‘s by the sunset. this was when i still hated the beach. yes, once when i was younger and i hated getting darker, i did hate the beach. 😛 it’s very different now though because i love the beach so much! after i started playing ultimate there really was no point to hate going to the beach anymore as i got darker from playing. plus, it’s so much fun to get drunk at the beach. haha! so now, i dream of a beach wedding. jc gonzalez, bianca gonzalez’s brother (ya, ‘coz you know, i’m so showbiz this way), had a beach wedding and it seemed like lots of fun. i’m actually attending a beach wedding next year and i can’t wait to take pictures there! haha!

the vows

i’ve always joked that i wanted a broadway type wedding where my groom and i will be singing our marriage vows. when lea salonga sang her vows in her own wedding, i wanted it even more. now, all i need to do is find a groom who can sing. 🙂

here’s the concert version of the song:

i couldn’t find the youtube video footage of the wedding which i could embed but here it is if you want to check it out.

the photographs

as i’ve mentioned before, i really love tumblr. i’m glad i’ve even got a few of my friends addicted to it too. 😉 that’s where i discovered this photographer couple whose photos i really love. i secretly want to fly them over to anywhere i’m getting married so that they can take my wedding pictures. i love the fact that they added me as a contact on flickr too. i like this other photographer couple, too. in the local scene, redsheepphotography takes pretty amazing pictures. yeah, i think i’m spending too much time checking out wedding photography online. but it’s really fun to look at wedding pictures. everyone looks so happy, it truly is a celebration of love.

despite the fact that brad pitt and jennifer aniston have gotten divorced, this remains to be one of my favorite wedding pictures ever.

the groom

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i was actually planning to post a pic of some hot celebrity i fantasize about marrying. but then as i was googling different crushes of mine, i realized that i never really imagined marrying any of them. yep, it’s true! unlike some other girls, specifically those stalking rpatzz (rob pattinson) everywhere, i can differentiate between fantasy and reality. and for some weird reason, i’ve never imagined myself married to a celebrity. hahahaha! so i guess this part of my dream wedding will have to wait.

the passage

i’m re-reading The Time Traveler’s Wife right now so that my memory will be refreshed before the movie comes out. it’s a beautiful book so read it if you haven’t yet. this quote, which is actually from Possession but is quoted in the book, really made me an impression on me…

“What is it? My dear?”
“Ah, how can we bear it?”
“Bear what?”
“This. For so short a time. How can we sleep this time away?”
“We can be quiet together, and pretend – since it is only the beginning – that we have all the time in the world.”
“And every day we shall have less. And then none.”
“Would you rather, therefore, have had nothing at all?”
“No. This is where I have always been coming to. Since my time began. And when I go away from here, this will be the mid-point, to which everything ran, before, and from which everything will run. But now, my love, we are here, we are now, and those other times are running elsewhere.”
~ A.S. Byatt, Possession

during my recent daydreams, i’ve been writing my wedding vows in my head. this is a bit embarrassing to admit but given the number of weddings i have to attend within the next couple of years, you have to cut me some slack. 😛 anyway, somehow the fact that i’ve been waiting my whole life for this moment (of getting married) makes it’s way into the vows. and as i read this quote in the book i had to pause and think. that last paragraph is beautiful. it may not seem like a marriage vow but i think it’s absolutely lovely. if ever i end up not singing my vow, i’d like to read this paragraph as part of my vow because i know that’s how it’ll feel… as though my life would’ve started from the moment i say i do.